March 11, 2014

Who Says You Can't Go Home?

Alright...I still live in my hometown, the actual town in which I was born and have resided for all but one 10 month stint at the Little College in the Cornfield...but that's not really the point.

Those of you whom I met during that 10 month stint may remember the Pretty Boy to which I was deeply attached (before I stumbled into an insane, inexplicable thing for el Senor - no judgment please!!!)...those of you who don't know, pull up a seat, take a listen...

When I was 10 I had my first crush...he was this golden boy - blonde hair, green eyes, perpetual Southern California tan, athletic, funny...and in deep like with my best friend at the time, a girl who was tall, willowy, with luscious locks the color of honey and eyes the color of a cornflower.  No, I do not exaggerate.  She was (and still is, exquisitely beautiful inside and out).  As the story usually goes, said Golden Boy's best friend awkwardly approached me on the playground one day and while my was beating wildly, nervously informed me that Golden Boy wanted to know if Honey liked him as more than a friend.

It did take me about 3 years to recover, because we were still in elementary school and therefore forced to be with one another all school day.  The only reprieve was during lunch recess when he played football with buddies and we could have our normal girl talk.  But they sat together at the assemblies, during music and art and were always on the same team in PE...

Finally, about 1/3 of the way through 7th grade, I literally bumped into another Golden Boy...who ended up being Pretty Boy (that's not derogatory, by the way, it is who he is...). He was a 9th grader...tall, voice changed, already working on muscles, perfectly coiffed hair...you know what kind of guy I mean...and he was in choir, loved acting, was smart, funny, athletic...blah blah blah...

We crossed paths a few times over that year, and then he went on to High School (at the time, our school systems were K-6, 7-9 and 10-12) and we lost touch.  Until my Sophomore year of HS...at which point, to my utter delight, I was in both choir sections with him - the Concert Choir and the more elite, by audition only Show Choir...we were together 2 full hours every day...we struck up an easy friendship as he'd been friends with my brother Missionary Man for the past 2 years due to their choir connection...we ate lunch together with a group of mutual friends, went to ball games together, talked music (what girl wouldn't LOVE a guy who could talk Chicago and Phil Collins as easily as Andrew LLoyd Weber and Bach???), food, hiking, biking, dogs...

It was right before Christmas break that year that he stumbled and bumbled his way through an invitation to his family's Christmas Party.  I accepted, not imagining there wouldn't be the same group of us there.  I was his only friend there...

It took until March, during a multi-night competition event for him to finally ask me out.  We started dating (I was 16 1/2 so I could, per my folks' rules), and were inseparable.  We were chaste, which spoke volumes to my parents about him.  He went to Church and Youth Group with me...he was baptized because of our conversations.

As a young woman, I was in heaven!!! Here was a man who was handsome, funny, smart, charming, loved music, loved to cook, loved animals, hiking, fishing, concerts, who had fallen in love with Jesus, AND with me...my parents adored him, and while I know they were concerned about what "marrying young" might entail, they fully supported our relationship...

Then, I went to be the maid of honor in a friend's wedding (no, not you Farmwife), where one of the other bridesmaids agreed to us hanging out with the groomsmen after the reception for pizza and movies...unbeknownst to me there was alcohol involved and I did NOT drink at the time.  After realizing that I was in a place with strangers that were doing things I didn't want to know actually happened, I camped out in their kitchen, and read my Bible all night...word got back to my Golden Boy only horribly warped.  He wouldn't hear the truth and we ended badly...

It took a good long while and many, many stupid decisions on my part to finally heal and move on.  I then met BB, and here we are almost 12 years of marriage later...with an amazing husband, 3 incredible children.  I have no regrets about where I am...I sometimes wonder if I could have ended up here without all the stupid decisions, but I'll never know that.

I hadn't spoken to Golden Boy until about 6 months ago...we reconnected via that fabulous invention called FB...maybe you've heard of it???

We didn't have much interaction - just a few likes and comments, the usual "gosh it's fun to see you here but that's about as far as it goes"...he messaged me once and asked how I was "really" doing.  We chatted a bit about where we were, families, marriages, how "happy" we were.  He told me he'd worked through all our problems and wasn't angry anymore.  Because I needed to, we talked about forgiveness, said we did, and I was good.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago...sitting at my parents' house, Preacher Man, Designer, BB, the kids and I were all there, spending some precious time together...and my phone beeped.  Because I work on Sundays, I answered, thinking something had come up about work...it was an FB message from him asking if I could talk.  I said sure, thinking it was something simple, easy, "what do you get a 4 year old girl for her birthday" sort of thing.

I was completely blindsided when he said his wife had just confessed to having an affair.  For 6 months, that she was still seeing this man regularly, and wanted a separation.  Heartbroken, he reached out to me...of all people...

SO...after getting the details on where he stood, what he wanted to see happen, for what he was willing to fight...we prayed.  I kept in touch, making sure he was supported and encouraged, and covered in prayer.

Last Wednesday, at work, I looked up from caring for a customer and saw him standing there...he stayed and we talked all day about the interlude between our break up and reconnecting.  We talked about his marriage, all that she'd said, all I thought God was calling him to be doing in his marriage...and it was the BEST day outside of getting married and becoming a mother...seriously...

I've never felt so awash in the Holy Spirit, so entirely tuned in to God...the things coming out of my mouth were not from me.  My sinful nature wanted to tell him to cut ties and run the other way as fast as he could stopping only long enough to take his kids with him...that he should have nothing to do with her...but through God's grace and the prompting of the Holy Spirit, I was the vessel counseling him to keep his vows, to know that he was doing all that he should be doing as a Godly man and husband.

We prayed, we cried, laughed, talked, cried some more...prayed again...

She message me Friday and said she didn't know what happened between us Wednesday, but that he was a completely different man than had left the house Wednesday morning.  She had been ready to pack up and leave on Wednesday while he was here, leaving a note to tell him that she was done...and something stopped her about lunchtime, and she unpacked and tore up the note, and instead sat down and called this other guy and said she needed time and space to "work things through her own mind about what she was doing"...

WOW WOW WOW!!!!

Since Friday, they've had good conversations, have arranged to continue seeing a therapist together and separately, and have made some promises to one another about working things out.  They've set new ground rules and talked about the why of her choices...talked about the hurts and are beginning the process of healing.

The oddest thing about this, is the sense of being complete I have.  I didn't realize I wasn't...I didn't realize that I'd been captive to the Evil One's plan of harboring some bitterness and hurt from 18 years ago...and even better was when he message me this morning saying he'd been feeling 100 pounds lighter since Wednesday himself...

All I know is that God is good, and He is the Great Physician - and He heals hearts and marriages as well as broken people...

Please pray for Golden Boy and his beautiful wife and family, that they will continue forward in God's plan and will and that their marriage be fully restored and family blessed...and praise Him for the work He's already doing in them both!

1 comment:

Inkling said...

Wow, wow, wow! I thought this was going to end badly, and was just waiting for the part where you shared that he tried to pour out his renewed affection for you. I'm soooo glad that is not the story you are living through though! Incredible!

I went through something similar, only it ended with the guy telling me that he wished he had married me and not bungled things up. It took all that was in me to run from that temptation, for I was not married yet and was in a very lonely part of my life.

God is a Healer, and it looks like you got to watch Him work. That is the coolest story I've heard in a long time. Thank you for sharing it.

As for that little college in the cornfield, I'm glad you ended up there. =)