Knowing

I'm feeling restless today...I'm in that mode of "what do I need to accomplish before the First Day of School?" and am sitting here feeling that I need to be outside, playing in the dirt of my gardens, weeding my yard, walking the dog, blowing bubbles, running through sprinklers...

I know why I'm feeling this way...I always feel this way at this time of year...knowing that soon the kids will be in school, the leaves will begin changing from various shades of green to their golds, reds, and even the purple of my Sand Cherry...the mornings will get crisp and soon there'll be frost, not dew on the ground, and I'll be desiring sweaters, and hot apple cider, and football games...

I know too, that while Capt is still perfectly happy to come snuggle up to me and drop kisses and hugs on me as though he's got an endless supply, next summer he'll be 8 and I wonder if he'll decide he's to old for that...

I know too, that Princess is also turning quite independent, and her summer conversation has been peppered with statements of "its ok, I've got it!" or "I don't need help, I can do it myself"...

I know too, that Littlest One is growing up as is evidenced by her increasing demands to have it "big like a real big kid"...

It doesn't help the situation that I'll be working 2 days, maybe even 3 during the week, and that my schedule includes the Sunday morning shift...meaning I'll be missing out on 6 hours of time with my husband and children...

I know the practical side of this decision is right - we need to pay off the debt.  We need to make this sacrifice to reach our goal.  I made this mess, I'm going to do my part to fix it...

But my heart is aching...I don't want to miss out on being with my kids while they still want me around.  I don't want to miss out on those weekend mornings together, playing card games, having silly times as all of us try to fit in our king bed...and the giggles and laughter and shrieks that ensue...mornings of being lazy and lounging around, making homemade cinnamon rolls or pancakes, or deciding at 8:30 that we want to have breakfast out...

So I'm trying to drink up as many moments of Summer as I can, and still balance what truly needs doing...