October 30, 2012

It's the Little Things

I remember in Junior High going to see the movie Parenthood with Steve Martin, Keanu Reeves, Martha Plimpton, Rick Moranis and a host of other giant names...

It was raunchy and crude and, now that I look back on it, totally accurate in its depiction of being a parent...

I remember feeling bad for Steve Martin's charater in the movie...his oldest son was an uptight, wound, mental explosion waiting to happen...Steve himself was wound...everything needed to be just so...and he freaked out with bursts of anger when things weren't right in his world...

At one point in the movie, his grandmother tells him that her secret is that she remembers being young and going to a fair, and watching people on the carousel - around and around they go...slowly, safely...and across the way, the screams and shrieks coming from the roller coaster - demonstrating the thrill, the loss of control...and that she had decided that life needed to be like the roller coaster...

And later in the movie, as their youngest totally ruins that play their middle child is in, an overlaid soundtrack begins - that of carnival ride music...the calliopie...and then, the unmistakable sounds of a roller coaster cranking up the incline of the hill...click, click, click...and the camera angle goes wonky, and the sounds of roller coaster riders shrieking...and next to Steve Martin, his wife, played by Mary Steenburgen, is laughing and smiling and just embracing that things go awry, and taking delight in her children standing up for one another, and not being afraid to be who they are...and the sickened look of distress on his face slowly changes to one of delight, as he finally gets that sometimes, you just have to let go, and let things be...

It's been a roller coaster of highs and lows around here...I'm hanging in there...but its tough when your spouse, the person who stood up with me in a Church, before God, our families and many of our friends, and promised to love, honor, and cherish, through good and bad, sickness and health, richer and poorer...is constantly throwing barbed comments at you.

It seems that we go from one extreme of everything seeming normal, we talk, we joke, we parent, we live...and then, in a blink, he's angry, snarky, and downright mean in what he says...

It is wearing on me...I'm only remaining silent because of divine intervention - truly...in my head I'm screaming in reply about how he's so mean, and coming back with all manner of retorts, none of which are graceful, nor productive...

I know at some point I will have to talk with him about how he's handling things, and therefore treating me...but right now, its not the time.

I promise I'll try to have a lighter post tomorrow...

2 comments:

Penny said...

you are on my heart dear...I hope your appt on Wed goes well..prayers are being lifted...

Inkling said...

I totally get this post. I am so there some days. It is a challenge to remember that the enemy of our souls is doing his very best to destroy the living picture of Christ's relationship with his Church in both of our relationships. But that's exactly what is going on. There was a time just last week that I yelled at my husband, "When are you going to remember that you can't just shut down when we disagree?! You have to stand and fight - not me, but the enemy of our souls!" Obviously, that tactic didn't work. But at least it was true. We do have to stand and fight. But man, some days, it would be a heck of a lot easier to hop on a plane and go get a margarita with you. =) Praying for you and for me and our respective husbands.