OK, now that you're done laughing at me, I just have to take a quick minute to share:
Last week was LOUSY for me. My head was a mess, I felt physically bad. The kids were sick, BB was sick, the house was in a state of chaos and grunge unlike that which has been here for awhile.
I was whiny, pouty, focused on how horrible it was for all these things to be happening the week of my birthday...poor, poor, pitiful me...
Well...I had a bit of a wake-up call last night.
My neighbor and good friend hosted a Wine Tasting at her home yesterday. BB went to help a co-worker make a list of things they should do to their house before they list it for sale. He was supposed to be back 20 minutes before the party started so he could clean up and look a little nice. He was 10 minutes late. He got totally buzzed. I was a bit miffed. After all, I had stayed home, fed the kids, cleaned up from lunch, done 2 loads of laundry, gotten myself ready for this party, and was 10 minutes early.
The kids went down nicely for naps, we had a good tasting, it was fun, we bought a lovely bottle of a blush that is just fruity and sweet enough for our tastes...mmmmmmm...
Afterward, I helped our friend clean up, and we chatted. She was upset about her husband and how he'd been acting and was angry at her kids for not helping out (they're 14 and 17) more, and how the house hadn't been cleaned for 3 weeks because she's the only one who does the work and on and on and on...
I started to say "Oh, I know exactly how you're feeling, let me tell you about my week..." and something inside me made me stop and say instead, "Oh, I'm so sorry things have been so rough! I hope that you all were able to work through this and that everyone understands that they need to pitch in."
I came home, and after BB finished up his things, and the kids were in bed, we chatted about the situation. I said how it made me hurt for them that they've been married for so long and still can't communicate with each other what they want and need.
I know BB and I don't have the perfect relationship, but we're working toward a better one.
I apologized to him for being so awful last week, and how I'd used my not feeling well as an excuse to be selfish and not very nice.
He apologized for not picking up on my cues from earlier in the weeks, and picking up where I needed some help.
I went to bed still falling into the trap of thinking of myself only, and determined when I woke this morning NOT to do it anymore.
I've been praying, and working and working and praying.
Please join me in praying that we can be better people - that we'll not talk badly to or about our spouses or children. That we'll hold them up, praise them, love them unconditionally, and that we'll do better at asking for what we need from our families. Please pray specifically that we can be aware of our strengths and weaknesses and that we'll ask forgiveness - of ourselves, for ourselves - and that we'll grant forgiveness and mercy where it's needed.