May 06, 2010

A Brief Visit

Do you ever wonder what makes people tick? What makes them upset, frustrated, angry, happy, sad...what makes them behave as they do? Why do some folks react with negative behavior - shouting, pouting, sarcasm, clamming up, while other react with calm, compassion, joy, patience, love, even happiness, when faced with the same situation?

Just a quick case in point for today - Mothers' Day is Sunday for any of you who don't live in the States, or who've been in a coma for the long has it been since Mothers' Day was instituted here in the States, on a different date than other countries have celebrated?

At any rate...after Captain Chaos was born, my own Mother got this grand idea that "the boys" (my Dad, BB and any brothers in the state) should plan the festivities surrounding Mothers' Day, since I was now a mother myself...not a problem really, except that my Dad loves to cook gourmet dishes, BB doesn't really enjoy cooking, but rather grilling, and my brother that lives close by travels a lot and has to come an hour from his house, limiting what he can bring, versus having to stop and buy on the way to Mom & Dad's, and, to top it all off, my Mom has this passive-aggressive streak a mile wide in which she will happily say to you "oh, whatever would be easiest on you all is fine with me."

Now that you have a bit of history, this year, my brother, MissionaryMan and his family are in town, but have chosen to leave on Sunday morning. Yup, they've not been here for over 4 years, we've seen them much less than the amount of time we were originally told they'd be here, and now, they're packing up their 3 kids and heading East on Sunday morning...not after Church, not even attempting to offer to do something Saturday evening after packing everything up, but Sunday at the crack of dawn. I will admit to being a bit miffed at this, because, after all it is Mothers' Day, and if you were in town with your mother after NOT being nearby for over 4 years, wouldn't you want to be here, or at least do something on the weekend of a holiday honoring and celebrating the woman who gave you life and raised you?????

OK - so, my brother and his family won't be here...which left, my other brother, my husband and my father to plan the day for us moms. My brother left Tuesday morning for a business trip and won't be home until tomorrow, late. Leaving my father and my husband to plan the day.

Which now, of course, means that BB has been asking me all week long "It's your day, what do you want to do?" But, being raised by my mother, I carry a bit of baggage with me...which means I'm stuck wondering what do we do that my own mother would enjoy? Do I scramble to make my house "company's coming clean" and plan and execute a meal for the 2 of us moms? Do I ask my husband to spend money and have all of us go out to a restaurant, and then come back here for dessert, meaning I still have to clean the house more than it already is?

As if this wasn't enough of an issue...I called my brother and said "what do you think? Eat in, or dine out?" He admitted that eating out would be easier on him, and that if we could come back here for dessert and coffee, that would be super.

SO...being what I consider a considerate person, I called my mom and asked if she had a preference for a restaurant choice.

When I asked her, she sort of heaved this sigh from her toes, as if gathering all of her self-control to tell me, rather shortly, that she didn't care, just pick some place she could eat comfortably. I then said we'd be coming back here for dessert and to just spend time with each other, and she came back with the same frustrated, dispirited voice and said "we probably won't stay late, we'll be helping pack and watch your brother's kids on Saturday, and I'll be tired."

Uh...last I heard, no one had asked my parents to assist, or babysit. Last I heard, even if they did ask, they don't have a lot of things to pack, and they were also offered our house to bring the kids to hang out and play while my brother and sister-in-law packed everything and loaded up a trailer.

I admit, I don't know what had been going at my folks' house Tuesday morning, but it's really been eating at me since then that she was so upset at something that she sounded that way...and the worst part of it is that I'm afraid to call her and find out what's been going on...

I love my Mom and fully intend to honor her and respect her, but sometimes, people just make it so darn hard to do it!

Prayers are appreciated as we spend the weekend with my family...knowing that Mom is hurt over my brother leaving, over their whole visit really...and that BB is easily frustrated by these things, and liable to say things he'll regret...and for me, that I don't get into my routine of smiling and saying nothing, ignoring things that might be going on...


Anonymous said...

((((((kork)))))))prayers too..Just don't come over to my disfunctional families homes. LOL

Inkling said...

I'll be praying for you. I wish you could just come up here for Mother's Day and be with BB and the kids and not worry about your mom. All the stuff surrounding this day this time around sounds pretty hard.