March 03, 2010

Training Up a Husband

I had resolved to leave this alone for the day, but after what I just cleaned up in my bathroom...I had to vent a little bit.

OK - I just started typing this ridiculous disclaimer about how I wasn't going to trash BB, and then I realized that was exactly my intent.

Oh how I hate when my own mind doesn't let me vent the way I truly think I need to, but is in reality only the way my inner brat wants to...but then, the grown-up part of me wins out.

Here is what has happened to frustrate me today:

I have been lax in cleaning the master bathroom. In reality, I couldn't tell you the last time I actually cleaned it. You know, the cleaning where you take everything off the counters and scrub them with something other than hot water and the washcloth that you've been using for the last several days? Yeah...that type of cleaning...well...I was so grossed out this morning by the lingering odor in our water closet (our bathroom is a "5-piece luxury" style where the toilet is actually in a separate little room), that before I even though about what I was doing, I grabbed my cleaner and my brush (sorry Mom...I just don't enjoy sticking my hands in the potty anymore!) and scrubbed that porcelain beast until it literally sparkled. Well, it was then so shiny clean, that I simply had to wipe up the floor, the baseboard molding, all the nooks and crannies, and the scale. Once the WC was clean and smelled like nothing but air, I turned around and saw the scummy shower doors (ok, they weren't really that bad, but still!), and the somewhat dingy shower floor...next to the grungy tub deck, and the counter tops that were actually fuzzy with dust bunnies...and so, I sprayed the shower completely with my non-toxic germicide (man, do I love that stuff!) and let it soak as I moved to clean the tub surround. I moved everything onto the counter, washed it all off, and while it was drying, wiped off the grime, and scrubbed the surround. I sprayed the tub with cleaner and let that soak while I returned all my stuff to the area around the tub. I rinsed the tub, and scrubbed my end of the counter, leaving my sink to soak with cleaner as I showered. In about 15 minutes time, my bathroom, with the exception of BB's side of the counter and his sink, were shiny and sparkling in the early morning sun. I got all finished getting dressed, got the kids up, woke BB, and we started our day. I told him I'd clean his after he was all done, as there was no point doing it before he was ready for the day, since he had said he was going to shave this morning (story for another day, don't ask). We had our breakfast, packed his lunch, discussed our discussion from last night (again, don't ask), and off he went to work. The kids and I settled in for a day of sunshine, fresh air, and lots of playing, no working on writing letters or drawing shapes, or identifying colors, shapes, letters, or anything scholarly or educational. In fact...we didn't even look at a single book! While the kids played (and turned it into a learning experience nonetheless), I sat on my rear end, watched reruns of "What Not to Wear", and drank lots of water. We had lunch, and I put the kids down about 45 minutes ago. Then I went to tackle BB's counter and sink. It was gross...I know that my husband was brought up in a house where he was taught to clean up after himself, but somehow, in his single life and through our marriage, he's apparently relaxed, and I've not been insistent that he do it. It is my own fault for not asking him to do it, as with keeping his dirty clothes in the laundry hamper, or making sure he does more than take dirty dishes to the sink.

I was all ready to be upset at him, all set to start thinking stinking thoughts about how he was such a slacker, and why didn't he know that I need him to do these things...and then I realized how absurd I sound...and I stopped.

There is no one to blame but me. When we were first married, and we were both working full-time, we were great about keeping things tidy together...he'd empty trash, I'd grab dishes. Or, he'd take down a load of laundry (after putting things into the hamper), and I'd make dinner. We'd both pull weeds, shovel snow, wipe counters, put away mail and magazines...

And then, one morning, I woke up and realized that in the last 4 1/2 years, I've allowed things to get lax...there wasn't anymore balance of helping inside, or outside. Somehow, we sort of fell into this routine of I did all the indoor stuff, like laundry, cleaning, cooking, tidying...while he did the bulk of the yard and house maintenance, and somehow...we've fallen further into that...but somehow, I'm still helping with the garden and yard work...

And what really bothers me, is that I've waited 3 years to recognize that what is bothering me, is that I let it happen...

I think I need to dig a bit deeper into this one...

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