And in between now and then, I will strive to maintain normalcy for Capt and DG, keeping up with the laundry so my mother doesn't feel as though she has to do it for me, cooking meals, snuggling and reading and playing as much as I can to fill some imaginary container of "mommy time" in each of the kids to the brim, so that those days I physically cannot do those things, they are able to know they are loved and adored by me.
I will spend the next days nervously wondering if each twinge and ripple of sensation is the start of labor, or just my own hypersensitivity...wondering if I should avoid all things not bland and boring coming out of my kitchen...wondering if I should go see the chiropractor or not...wondering if that extra trip up and down stairs for one last load of laundry will do me in...
I don't feel ready...I don't feel the sense of urgency to get through this next week...I don't feel like a beached whale all the time...but I do want to meet this little one and see what their face looks like, hoping half-heartedly that maybe, just maybe my dark genes will triumph and we'll end up with a black-haired, blue-eyed charmer with those thick, mile-long lashes and dimpled cheeks, with the cleft chin...you know...sort of like Christopher Reeves from the Superman days...or the description of Scarlett and Rhett's daughter Bonnie from Gone with the Wind...
Not that I don't love the honey-haired, blue-eyed charmers with those other features...there's just a part of me that wants this last little one to look like it's mama from the get-go...and to have people say to the baby "OH! You look like your Mommy!" rather than how much they look like their daddy, or their uncles...or weirder still...to have to hear my mom say how much they look like one of my brothers' kids...nothing like hearing your daughter looks like her cousin did at this age...
I know that it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but somewhere, there is that part of me that wants to have one of my children look like me in all things...or most things...
1 comment:
It only took me 4 tries to get a baby that looked like me. BabyGirl was the spitting image of her dad, #1 Son of my dad, and B.B. of his dad (again). I thought it only fair that our last would be graced with my dark hair and people would mistake my baby pictures for hers.
I hope you get your black haired baby.<3
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