November 11, 2009

Frustrated *UPDATED*

Well, we're off to the pediatrician again in about an hour today...Captain Chaos is just not getting better...

He was on his antibiotics for 4 days, and was doing GREAT! No cough, no sneezing, no sniffles, limited congestion that was moving freely...we stayed home, kept as quiet as we could with a preschooler and a toddler confined to the house.

Sunday night, day 6 of antibiotics, Capt started coughing again - but this time it was that dry cough that just makes you hurt to hear it. He started sneezing and sniffling and coughing really bad yesterday. I, in my optimistic way, decided that it was just the germs fighting their way out of his body, care of his white blood cells, and that the more he sneezed and coughed, the more he was getting the infected mucus out of his body, and let the low-grade fever run it's course...after all, it was only around 99.9...which, let's face it, the way kids play sometimes, is a normal range...however, by dinnertime last night he felt hot, not warm, just flat-out, plain-old hot to my hand. I asked BB to feel his back and tummy to see if it was just my imagination or cold hands or a hyper-active imagination on the part of this Momma, freaking out and feeling a fever where there was none.

When BB said he felt hot, I pulled out our digital thermometer, and after 5 minutes of practically sitting on the poor boy and wishing fervently that I had one of the new forehead ones, we got back a reading of 101.9...I broke down and gave him 1/2tsp of Children's Motrin, brushed his teeth, and put him to bed with the humidifier running, and proceeded to listen to him cough for another 3 hours before he finally fell asleep...

I called the doctor about 3o minutes after they opened this morning, told the receptionist that his symptoms were worse after 8 days of antibiotics and that we'd like to see the doctor. She came back and said "do you want to talk to Nurse?" It's a good thing that I was on the phone, not a video phone, and definitely NOT standing in front of her, or she'd have gotten a look that could kill, and a smack to her face...did she not just hear me say I wanted an appointment????

To top it off, she then told me they couldn't see me til Friday at 4pm.

UMMMMMMM...since when is a fever and worsening symptoms when using antibiotics NOT a priority case? Are there seriously so many pediatric patients with H1N1 at my doctor's office that they can't or won't make time to see my son when he is sick?

I am not that Mom who calls at every twitch, cringe, and flushed cheek or sniffle and sneeze. I do, however, follow my gut, and I know when my child is fighting a cold and when they are actually SICK.

SO I am channeling that frustration into major scrubbing of my bathrooms...I know, I know...didn't I just clean them? Well, I'm bound and determined that all solid surfaces in my house be disinfected, all bedding, including the boy's pillow, are in the wash, and all their dishes, utensils, and cups are in the dishwasher being sanitized...I've vacuumed, and used every non-toxic thing I have to freshen, clean and disinfect the house, including spraying the upholstery with a vinegar, lemon and eucalyptus concoction that Kim and Aggie swear by...I've even sprinkled our carpets with the Baking Soda and Peppermint mixture to kill anything there.

The playroom got disinfected yesterday, I put on my mask and gloves and disinfected the cat boxes, the dog kennel, and scrubbed, dusted, and vacuumed everything that stood still yesterday, thinking that maybe playing in the basement set him off...after all, it is cool and a bit more damp (all relative here in Colorado) there than it is upstairs.

Needless to say, we're not playing in the basement until we get rid of these germs for good, and everyone is healthy...I'll deal with toys being carted up and down stairs every few days.

They are playing much better when not so overwhelmed by all the toys they can chose from anyway...

To add to my frustration today...I stupidly opened my mouth on FB to my SIL's status. She made a comment about feeling down, and I said that I wished that whacking the people who cause our down moods would make them see sense and change things. BIL saw it, and immediately got defensive about it and attacked me on FB, in email, and by emailing BB about my "inappropriate behavior in shooting my mouth off on FB about s*&t I know nothing about"...

Admittedly, I was wrong in my choice of words. There were better ways to convey my sympathy and support, and I chose a lousy way to do it. I apologized to BIL over the phone, via email, and to SIL over the phone, and via email, as well as telling BB that I knew I shouldn't have said what I did, and that I apologized almost immediately to both of them.

That being said, let me go ahead and air my frustrations about this entire situation here, in a safe environment.

BIL made a choice about a year ago regarding his "connection" to SIL. Things have apparently been rocky between them since that time. They've been in join counseling since that time, and he's been seeing his own therapist. About 6 months ago, he started "seeing another woman" (his words, not mine), and his therapist told him he needed to "be honest about (his) feelings to both the other woman and (his) wife". He came clean, in a counseling session with SIL, and after talking to each other, she made him tell the kids what was going on, and that they were separating.

What frustrates me about this is that a therapist can tell someone "be honest" about your feelings and it suddenly justifies that which we decide to do because they are our feelings and they cannot be denied. So, because a therapist told him it was ok that he felt the way he does, that it's nothing SIL has done or not done, but he needed to be honest with the people in his life, he is choosing to walk away from a 20+ year marriage, 2 children, and a family that cares an awful lot about him.

It makes me angry that his choice of being selfish and thinking only of his need to feel connected, and what he needed from life and his relationships have destroyed his marriage.

I admire my SIL, because she is willing to continue going through counseling, and to work things through and repair their marriage. She admitted to me that she too was feeling distant, and not as involved in the relationship as they once were...but she was willing to find out why and fix it WITH him, not focus on fulfilling her desires alone, or with someone else.

My nephew is still living at the house, but is either at work, at school, or out with his friends all the time because he is hurting so badly. My niece is in a constant state of shock, and is trying in vain to finish her Junior year of High School, including playing on 2 varsity athletic teams, singing in the choir, maintaining a 4.0 GPA, holding down a job, and keeping her relationship with her boyfriend and friends healthy, as well as supporting her mom through this time.

My MIL is so upset she has only talked to us twice since it all happened - once for BB's birthday, and once for mine. Each call normally lasts an hour. We were off the phone in less than 10 minutes. Grandma is heartbroken, and is praying fervently, as well as passing it on to every praying person she knows. Aunt and Uncle that are here in CO are also devastated and praying, Aunt in San Francisco is distant, but that's just her nature.

BIL feels attacked on all sides, as MIL, Grandma and everyone else is angry at his decision, and disappointed.

Well, what did he think? That we would all say "Oh! So you were feeling unfulfilled, needs unmet and decided to have an affair? That's a GREAT decision! We should all be unfaithful to our spouses and seek fulfillment and satisfaction outside our marriages!"

It is not as though there has ever been anything of this nature before now in their marriage.

It is, without doubt because they haven't got the 3rd strand holding them together.

Needless to say, please pray...for BIL and his decision, for SIL and the kids, for the whole family...for me to learn to keep my mouth shut...

1 comment:

FarmWife said...

I really hope & pray Captain Chaos gets over his nasty cough soon. Sickness that long would worry me, too. I would have been tempted to get snotty with the receptionist myself.

As to your BIL, that irks me. If he's not prepared to deal with the back lash, he shouldn't have walked out. End of story. It really frosts me when people use the "I wasn't feeling it" excuse to break a promise. Remeber that "for better or worse" part? Yeah, that wasn't a joke!! How is it any of his business if you side with his wife? Family loyalty does not include blindly accepting stupidity.