October 21, 2009

Now I see as through a glass darkly...

Sometimes, things in life seem so out of place, and cause me to ponder things deeply. For long periods of time.

Lately, those things are seeming to coming rather fast and furious...

For instance 2 dear friends of mine are dealing with the loss of a family member that makes no sense - after all, how does it work that a baby should die before we ever meet them?

Another example is another bloggy friend that got some scary news at a doctor's appointment yesterday, on her birthday no less. Health news is always daunting, but coupled with the words "We won't know for sure without more tests." it is even worse. Especially knowing family history, and what the media tells us are links between genetics and health...

Thirdly is my BIL and SIL and the split of their marriage. How could someone, after so many years being together and supposedly promising "til death parts us" to each other, suddenly wake up one morning, not feel "emotionally connected" to their spouse and think it was ok to start an affair with someone that progressed from "emotional connection" to "they give me what I need, and I've been seeing them for 6 months"?

I have been praying, seeking wisdom, looking for answers of some sort, and am so tired of hearing people say "someday, you'll know why God would do this" or my favorite "it's not for us to understand, simply to obey"

Uh, sorry...I don't think that is what I or my friends and family need to hear right now...how do you tell someone that they're hurting but that's what God wants? I just have a hard time believing sometimes, that God would want us to suffer hurts and heartaches...it is times like this that I find my faith challenged the most.

How can a benevolent God who loves us so very much that He gave us His son as the ultimate sacrifice, to purify us, "discipline those whom He loves" by taking an unborn child away, or sending back a disease?

The marriage breaking up I understand, because BIL and SIL are not Christians...sometimes I just struggle with it all...

I know that the promise of full understanding is there, but when your heart is sore and you're grieving and concerned for those you love...it's not easy to wait for that glass to clear and for unblemished sight to be there.

2 comments:

Sarah said...

hugs xxx

Penny said...

I think it is ok to be "mad" at God. he understands that we are human and have no idea of his plan..I sometimes get frustrated also and I find that if I just say out loud to God what is on my mind, the good, the bad and the ugly...somehow it makes me feel better and after awhile I know God is touching me, understanding my frustration and LOVES me still!!!