April 05, 2008

The Sweet Smell of...

A rankly dirty bullmastiff...a boy with toxic emissions from his posterior, and even worse from his baby sister...compounded with burnt toast (when will BB learn to look at the timer on the toaster oven??!??!), sawdust, and cow manure...

OY! It is a gorgeous day...chilly still, but a perfectly blue sky that only a spring sky can be...I cracked open some of the windows to let in some "fresh air" only to find that the wind is just right to bring the smell of the many feedlots that are east of us by MANY MILES straight into my house...and it has been just warm and wet enough that the manure is strong. That is NOT the bad smell.

The burnt toast is rapidly dissipating in the breeze blowing through the kitchen, and covered by the outside air. Other than my annoyance that I now have to clean the toaster oven of all things charred, that is not the bad smell either.

The children's issues with their gastrointestinal tracts this morning is not the bad smell either. In fact, I have, sadly, grown used to all but the most toxic of emissions from my children, and unless it is really smelly or I know one of them has diaper rash (not on Tiny Princess yet thank goodness!), I am pretty lazy about changing dirty diapers. How bad a mother am I?!?!?! The children are bathed and in clean clothes, with no food residue anywhere to be seen...so they are not the cause of the smell either.

No, it is, and has been for some days now, the dog. He is absolutely foul. His coat is to the point where if you pet him, the hair sticks to your hand because of the oil that has collected there over the last months. His breath could slay dragons, and probably vampires as well...and all he wants right now is to sit with his smelly head in my lap and be pet...which means that now, I must bathe him.

Have you ever tried to get a 100 pound baby into a bathtub and then get them to sit still and be bathed!?!?!?!? I am NOT looking forward to wrestling with the dog, but it must be done. THe worst part is that once he's clean, I must then wait for it to dry out, so I can use my soft brush on the vacuum and actually VACUUM the hair out of the tub, and then BLEACH it to clean it.

I think it would be easier to go to one of the self-washing stations at the local place and pay $10 for THEIR water, shampoo, towels and electrical bill for drying him. HMMMMM...maybe I could do that...that wouldn't be so bad would it?

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