October 04, 2007

The Promised History Lesson Part 1

BB's History (condensed version)

BB's folks met in Fresno during high school, and dated. After graduation, they were married, and some time later BB was born. BB's biological mother had numerous health issues due to a reaction to her DTP shot (first generation of the shot). Along with some other things that were already wrong with her, the shot caused her to suffer seizures for the rest of her life. After BB was born, his folks divorced, and his father met the woman BB calls Mom. They were married, and shortly thereafter were awarded full custody of BB. BB's Mom (stepmom as opposed to BMom - birth mom) has told me several hair-raising, blood-chilling stories of the conditions in which they would find the apartment and BB when they would arrive to pick him up for their weekends (prior to their custody award). It was definitely for the best, and the judge in California was able to see that without any character shredding.

When BB was about 8, his Mom and Dad moved from California to Oregon, where he spent the rest of the time of schooling, including undergraduate degree.

His biological maternal grandparents (BMom's folks) have held bitterness and anger in their hearts towards BB's folks ever since they sought full custody, which only compounded the fact that his Dad left their daughter, and then had the gall to marry another woman!

The only grandparents that really taught BB anything (fishing, golfing, financial knowledge, about God), are, ironically, not his biological grandparents! Mom's folks took him as part of the family without question or reservation, and he never knew he was any different from his friends until he was in High School...

When BB and had only been dating about 6 weeks, his BMoms folks went to her place and found her on the floor. When the paramedics arrived, they said she'd collapsed about 24 hours prior, and there was nothing to do. They told BB not to come out, that they would have a memorial service later that summer. He came out later that summer, and spent time out there for a very teeny tiny service, in which they dedicated a tree in some park somewhere that she loved.

Ever since then, his grandmother has held it against him that he didn't come out and take all her things.

Every visit and phone call is extremely strained, and only the arrival of Captain Chaos and our subsequent visits (I couldn't take time off when I was working) have served to soften the relationship. However, we have to listen, every time we talk to them, to stories about her, and then the comments about "I wish BB had come when she died"...

SIGH...in a perfect world...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I could not live with that continually thrown in my face. I don't know how your BB makes it through it. I hope your visit with them is a better one.