April 19, 2013

A Life Less Ordinary

So recently it came to my attention that I'm not progressing in improvements as rapidly or thoroughly as had been hoped by my dear husband.

Please, hear my heart - I am NOT maligning BB.  He is an engineer and lives in a very black-and-white, on-or-off world.  He has no shades of grey when it comes to matters of integrity and character...which endears him to me at the same time it exasperates me.

I'm a much more touchy-feely kind of person.  I don't look at it as always one way or always the other...I see the shades of grey, all the multitudes of reasons WHY someone chooses.  It doesn't mean I agree with their choice, just that I see where the choice originated.

To my point:

BB and I are having communication issues.  Largely based in our different personalities (duh, right?!), but also based in some values that I don't think either of us realized weren't fully, 100% in line with one another.

In his world, if you say in the morning, "My plans today are..." and list off  several tasks that are a variety of time-consuming items, he expects them to be completed.  Period, the end, do not pass GO, etc etc.

In my world, if I say in the morning, "My plans today are...." and list off several tasks, I realize that it's more of the "in a perfect world" list wherein the children all love one another and are kind, gracious, friendly, loving, adoring, helpers, and the phone doesn't ring, the door doesn't get knocked on, no one spill lemonade on the carpet, milk on the newspaper, attempts to stand on top of a fitness ball then falls off, smashing their face into the floor, bloodying their nose, splitting their lips and bashing up their gums and chin requiring an hour of soothing, clean-up and ice-pack holding while we make sure there's no concussion, at the same time attempting to make dinner, house-train a 14-week old puppy, and keep the other 2 children from having meltdowns over missed naps because of a last-minute schedule change at work that meant I had to pick up Captain from school...to me, if I say I plan on doing something, I know that it's what I'd like to accomplish, not what I will accomplish.

To BB, he takes it as failure, and a dent in my integrity.  I made a verbal committment to him that I'd do something, and then didn't do it, hence its a failure.

Needless to say, I'm choosing my words much more wisely these days, because I don't want to be someone who doesn't follow-through, OR someone who under-commits.

I don't know if that makes sense or not...suffice it to say that somewhere along the way, I failed to remember that there are those out there who aren't inside my head, hearing what I'm thinking at a million miles an hour, and that the words that come out need to be clearly indicative of my intentions and motives...

Please keep praying...

And Inkling, we REALLY need to find a way to bring WAO to Colorado, or convince BB that his company needs to open an office in your neck of the woods...


FarmWife said...

I think B.B. needs to read this. Or more likely read something like this. He needs to understand the "perfect world" scenario that would allow you to accomplish all your goals on a daily basis.

Husband is a bit of the same in the, "You said you'd do this and it didn't get done," mindset. But it's not quite the issue for us it seems to be for you two.

I'm praying you can find a happy medium between his black & white and your shades of gray.

Inkling said...

If you can get an ocean in Colorado complete with orcas and starfish, it might be a possibility. ;)

I like the latter option even better. You'd love it hear. Colorado is beautiful, and I would love to visit again. But there's something about the saltwater, the beaches, and the mountains that has gotten into my blood here.

As for stating what I hope to have happen today, I guess I should count myself lucky to have a husband who feels blessed if my plans to finish the laundry today happen by next week. He knows I get interrupted all.the.time. It dawned on me the other day that I wish there was a spiritual gift of being interrupted, since I'm so good at it. I'll start out doing one task, but then someone will call or write and I'll see a need, and the next thing you know, my to-do list gets sent in for a major edit.