Today, I'm desiring to be that stone - you know, the one that isn't gathering moss? Yeah, that one...
The other day, after a particularly trying day at the office, BB came home and all manner of itsy bitsy things set him off. We had an argument. While our arguments are not frequent, they are long in duration. As in, the kids watched 3 epsiodes of whatever shows were on Dis.ney JR long...there were some loud voices, BB threw some swear words out there.
It stinks. I hate conflict. I really do...I'll get up in your business if you threaten my kids, my husband or my family, but you get all up in my face about me? Well, I'm more likely to shrink into a corner, promise you the moon, anything to get it to stop...not because I'm a chicken, or afraid, or anything like that. Simply because I don't think I should have to defend myself to anyone.
Obviously, in a marriage, that isn't so true...especially when bonds of trust have been severely frayed...
Needless to say, one of the things that BB harped upon was my hot and cold attitude toward certain things around the house. Yes, Inkling, my housework is what he picked on... (insert smiley face here!)
Seriously, though...After I'd spent all weekend helping him with projects in his shop, and carting children hither and yon, helping shovel a foot of heavy, wet snow, making sure we had clean clothes, and good food, I admit, the last thing on my mind was whether or not I'd swept the hardwood floors and vacuumed the carpets...and the fact that I'd just dusted on Thursday, and here it was Monday and things were dusty again...well, I guess I have gotten into this mindset of "it's not dusting day, not gonna dust!"
OK, really, all joking aside, I'm suffering through a physical funk. Mentally, emotionally, I'm on my game - 100% there - engaged with the kids in their homework, dance steps, basketball drills, reading, coloring, making sure I'm using teachable moments sneakily so my kids don't even know they're learning...Physically is a different matter. I just don't feel good. I'm not sick, but I'm not healthy either. Whether or not that makes sense, the truth is this - I'm physically worn out from all we've been doing and caring for the members of my household who have been sick with something or another.
And to be quite honest, lately, if I've a spare moment or three, I'm more likely to sit down on the couch, and close my eyes for a bit, not to sleep (although that has happened once or twice), just to rest, to be that stone that is gathering moss. And you can see the evidence of it looking about my house.
I hate the fact that I'm the only one who does it. Even when it's not getting done because I'm ill (really ill), it just sits and waits for me to be well again. No one picks up the baton and keeps on running.
It's easy to get frustrated by that fact - that I really don't get sick days. I understand that as the at-home parent, it is my job. It's easy to forget that BB goes off to the office each day and deals with difficult situations of his own that are mentally taxing. It's easy to forget that my kids are little! They don't care and wouldn't know how to do certain tasks.
We are teaching them to have responsibility for things, and they do have chores, and will have more as they get older.
But right now, this mossy stone better get her act together and get back up to speed...