August 23, 2011

Escape

I need a vacation. A serious, really real, not visiting family members for some holiday or life-altering event vacation. One, preferably, in a sunny locale, perhaps on a beach somewhere. I have visions of white sand stretching for miles with only the blue sky, the sun, the endless blue-green waters and the sound of the ocean lapping the shore. There will be a gentle breeze to keep my from becoming a wilted flower, and someone to conveniently replenish my cold beverages.

No children will be screaming - at me, one another, or just to make noise. There will be no dirty laundry, no noses, faces, hands, or bottoms to wipe. No floors to clear of crumbs and sticky spots. No cat hair to vacuum, no meals to plan, prepare and clean up. No errands to run...

And tonight, I have to add "no BB" to that vision.

I admit that with Littlest One's issues, we've both been stressed out, and are, therefore short-tempered. (hard to imagine, I know, what with my mild demeanor and easy going attitude) He is under pressure at work, dealing with a co-worker who has taken it upon himself to have personal vendetta against BB. The kids are in some sort of frenzy that is causing them to rise at 6am, not want to eat anything that is given to them, not want to do anything but sit on the couch and watch TV (which I will not cater to), or run around screaming like banshee's and basically acting like the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes days...

I'm working hard (as ever) to keep things neat, tidy, clean, and keep good food on our table while staying in our budget...

Over the last 5 days or so, BB has been making snarky comments about the quality of my work.

Now, I take pride in what I do. I admit it. Maybe it's too much pride. Maybe I've started defining myself and my worth by how shiny my counters are and how clean my floors are. I don't know. But it irritates me that I feel as though I'm working my rear off (yes, even with all the ministry help we've had I'm still finding housework to do), and the one comment he makes is negative.

I don't care if you're joking, kidding around, teasing, making light of, trying to lighten a mood...you'd think that a capable, decision-making adult with all their faculties intact would get the message that they're not funny. It is not amusing, it does not make me feel good or want to be nice to you. It certainly does not make me want to enjoy the (ahem) intimacies of marriage...

And yet, after a few days of comments, which I did let BB know gently that I was bothered by, he got mad at me for not wanting to, in his words, fool around.

I admit, at that point, I gave him The Look. The one where I flare my nostrils, raise one eyebrow, curl my lip ever so slightly and tilt my head just so to convey my disbelief and distaste for that which has or is currently occurring. I said, in a very cold voice, that if he wanted to fool around, he'd best rethink his method of communication and the message he is sending.

I do not take lightly people who choose to treat me as though I'm inferior, and that is precisely what he's been doing.

Again. I don't care why. I try really hard NOT to take out my frustrations with people or circumstances on someone or something that is in no way involved in creating said frustrations.

I try to honor and respect BB every day, but I'll tell you something...there comes a time when I can only handle so much and then I snap.

It might not be right, and I'm prayerful of it because I do want to be a better, kinder, softer person.

That said - someone send the cabana boy over with a fresh round of margaritas, and someone freshen up my suntan lotion...

1 comment:

Inkling said...

There are moments when I feel like kicking BB. But that's just me. And I'm not always nice.

But here is a totally crazy, out of the blue idea. The other night I was thinking how lovely it would be to do a girl's vacation - to some beach with a beach house or a hotel. No kids. No husbands. No chores. Just lounging, drinking, eating, playing in the sand and surf, and maybe doing some shopping for something totally unreasonable, unpractical, and sparkly. Maybe we should actually consider planning something like that - making it a reality within a certain time frame of a year or two or three. Crazy? Maybe. But it's an idea.