August 24, 2011

Banishing the Grumpies

I opened all the windows and doors to our house this morning, early, to let in the fresh cool air of the pre-sunrise morning. All I could hear were the few birds awakening, some crickets, and our sprinklers. It was lovely.

I also opened all the windows and doors of myself this morning.

I was very grumpy and gripy yesterday. Yes, I work hard, and yes, I appreciate Inkling's support and desire to get my back.

I know that my husband isn't perfect and that we're both still under God's amazing construction. Sometimes, I just get impatient that we're not quite finished yet you know?

SO - as I was enjoying this morning, simply sitting in the stillness, breathing in the fresh air, I was nudged (ok, it was more like someone whacked my head a la LeRoy Jethro Gibbs) by the Spirit to just release it. Just let it all go.

I am not perfect. I make mistakes, I forget things, I say I'll do things and then either allow or choose other things to be higher on the priority list and not keep my word. I lose my temper. I get angry and frustrated over stupid, petty things.

Who in the world honestly and truly can claim they NEVER or ALWAYS do things????

As I sat, breathing quietly, deeply, in the calm and stillness, embracing the rich headiness of the fresh air, letting out the heaviness and staleness of my night's sleep, I started having bits of Scripture pop into my head. Nothing profound to the world at large, but just those little gentle reminders that I am not the queen of anything. I am not worthy or deserving of love, grace, mercy...but Jesus offered it to me anyway.

I had a talk with BB after breakfast, while the kids were finishing up their food, and simply told him I'm sorry for being cranky, and sorry for assuming he was seeing only the worst things.

Ironically, he had no clue that I felt that way - apparently, even though I thought I had clearly stated my frustrations, he had completely missed it. It could have been that he was caught up in the things bothering him at the office, or that he was just ignoring me. Point is that he was in the dark, and I thought I had informed him.

Guess what' on our list of "things to work on improving"?? Why yes, it is our talking to one another.

I'm going to work on being more vocal about being worn out, needing help, or just feeling unappreciated. I did tell him that he is not completely off the hook from doing little things like flowers, or a card or a special meal that he either makes or decides where we're going. Just to make sure he's telling me with words AND deeds that he sees the work I'm putting in (because we all know the house doesn't clean itself, nor the laundry do itself!), and appreciates it.

He's working on making sure he tells me what he's going through, even if I don't remember to ask how his day was.

Needless to say, I'm pulling out the Love Dare. Again.

And any time I start to feel the grumpies taking up residence again, I'll be banishing them posthaste.

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