July 14, 2011

Ducking My Head

I have a confession to make...just between you and me - I have a HORRIBLE temper. I am also one of those people that pick and push and pick and poke and prod until I find that final straw and slam it down on the camel's back... I pick fights. For no other reason than just wanting to irritate and aggravate people.

How horrible is that????? I mean, really...I have my days where I'd much rather just be left alone to sit and do whatever the heck I want - read, surf the internet, play Angry Birds, watch DVR'd episodes of whatever show has currently struck my fancy. I'm perfectly content to be a Stepford Wife (ok, not really, but that's how it feels some days...) and toodle along quietly and happily, washing clothes, dusting furniture, changing diapers, cooking meals - you know the routine...

And then, some days, I'm just itching to have it out with someone, anyone, whoever the heck happens to cross paths with me.

And watch out when it happens, because I am a vicious, nasty, evil, horrible, mean, vindictive, spiteful, ugly person when I cut loose.

Satan surely works his evil through me, in me on those days, because I have been known to let fly with snarky remarks about total strangers that are eerily accurate - personal things that there is NO WAY I should ever know them...let alone repeat them in public settings.

My latest? Was BB. On our camping trip. I was so nasty that our argument made my kids cry.

Yup, that's right. I was such a nasty person that I made my children cry.

Granted, BB also has a short fuse, but you'd think if I knew this, I'd try hard NOT to provoke him right????

Most of the time I can happily answer that I do not deliberately provoke my husband's temper.

But last Friday morning I did. And boy howdy was it ever ugly.

It opened up a lot of things that had been bubbling below the surface that did indeed need airing. Just not in that setting or that manner.

That said, once aired, we both felt a whole lot better and have been much more content and at peace with each other.

I don't know if you and your sweetie ever have those issues that you think "Oh, it's not such a big deal." that suddenly, somehow, become these looming, swirling pits of emotional and relational doom...or how you handle them...but I'm hear to tell you to be careful what you focus upon in your relationships.

1 comment:

Layla said...

I have a nasty temper as well, and Josh has one too....his needs more provoking than mine, but we both have one. I also tend to pick the fights more often, and I don't know why. No. That's not true, I know why. It's because when I sit down and logically and calmly air my grievances, nothing changes. It's only when it comes to full scale verbal war and tears on both parts that he hears me. And I've told him as much, but it's only absorbed temporarily, then released. It's a cycle, and I hate it.