October 13, 2009

Today

I am angry. I am angry that a family had to say goodbye to their brand new baby girl before ever getting to know her or hold her in their arms. I am angry that BIL and SIL are going through whatever they've chosen to be going through. I am angry that my parents are upset with me. I am angry that I'm sitting here typing instead of working to get my house in order, and love on my healthy, perfect children.

I am angry that God would take a family that knows and serves Him and cause such anguish and hurt...I know in my head that there is no punishment in this situation...it is not because they did something wrong...but right now, I just don't get why something like this could happen.

I am angry that a family that has chosen to turn their backs on God is now going through hurt and anguish that is also affecting their children, their parents, their siblings, and their friends.

I am angry that someone who committed to being here for me called me yesterday to say they couldn't and left me in a bind with no sitter to watch my children during a time that I was committed to serving someone else's needs...and I am angry that they don't see the harm in what they did.

I will not go into details here, but let me just tell you that there is a rift between my parents and I this morning that is hurting my heart, and that under the anger I know that it will be a long time before that relationship is whole again...and I pray that somehow, some way, it will be healed fully.

I also know that this rift is not caused by disrespect or dishonoring of my parents. It is simply a case of me not being able to be gracious in a sticky situation, and not being mature enough to simply say that I was disappointed because I had counted on them, and would now have to tell someone who was counting on me that I could no longer assist them when they needed it. Instead, I had a temper tantrum, and whined to BB who took it upon himself to confront his in-laws about how they'd upset me and hurt him, and it needed to be resolved.

It was ugly and hurtful, and I am angry and hurting over it. I am also wondering how one can apologize for one's actions and behaviors while making it clear that you in no way sorry for your feelings over the situation. I am not sorry that I was feeling hurt and disrespected and upset. I am sorry that things happened as they did, that I lost my temper...

Please be praying -

First for my friend's family and their loss.
Second for my BIL and SIL, that they'll come to know God through this time, and that their hearts will be healed.
Third - for my own self and my parents. That we'll work this out and heal our relationship...

3 comments:

Penny said...

I understand fully...going thru a family issue myself...my Mom accused my step son of something that she has no proof of and me, being the good wife decided not to keep it from my husband. Now he thinks badly of my Mom, I am having second thoughts about my step som and could he really do these things and hubby is upset with me!!! and the worst part??? we have to handle this just between us because letting Mom know I told my husband and letting step son know that he has been accused would just make it all worse!!! I will pray for you, your friends and friends family, your family, my family....I believe tonight I will spend on my knees!!!

Ang said...

Sending up prayers babe

Woman In The Midst: Raw said...

Prayers always.. And it is perfectly okay to be upset, unfortunately sometimes feelings get projected not as all as we had hoped, it's tricky but you can heal the relationship - forgiveness is a wonderful thing.