Holding On

I'm in a state of holding on...I'm holding on to hope for 2 bloggy pals that are currently in the waiting stage of their recent IVF procedures...be praying for Mrs. X and WordGirl as they wait for results of their varying stages for the ultimate announcement of whether the transfers result in viable pregnancies that will then go full-term! I'm holding on to hope for Inkling, as she undergoes some "editing" this week (either right now, or on Friday) for the lovely souvenirs left by the delivery of her baby Grasshopper in January. Pray for her doctor - that the procedure will be easy, and will result in normality of Inkling. Pray for Inkling that this event will be all that is needed to heal her, and get her to normal life and the thoughts of future family.

I am also in the state of holding on...because BB keeps making remarks along the lines of "I think 2 is the best number!" and "What would you do if we had three? They'd outnumber us!" or, my personal favorite from the weekend "If 2 are this loud, how much worse would it be if we had another? I'm thinking 2 is just right."

Now, I'm totally feeling like our family is not complete...and before you get all weird on me, let me explain. All my life I've had the feeling deep in my heart that I'm supposed to be the mother of a large family...large in number, as in 6 kids...I know that this is ultimately in God's hands, but I am so frightened to think of what might happen to my relationship with BB for the first shocking days, weeks, or months that it would take for him to come to terms with another pregnancy.

I'm holding onto the fact that God is in control...not very well, and several times an hour, I must remind myself that God has it all in His plan...He knows our finances, our home size, our income, our patience levels...He knows the desires of our hearts, and He has a plan for us, both individually, and as a family...

I'm just having a hard time, because I'm reading another blog that just announced her pregnancy...she's due with their 3rd in September. SO...I've got a bunch of ladies that have just given birth, are due in the next 3 - 6 months, and some that are anxiously awaiting their very first pregnancies...I know that I went through a LOT to have my 2 amazingly incredible chlidren, and how blessed I am to be where we are on all levels. I hear about my friends and acquaintances that are not facing job loss, but are facing serious financial difficulties, ladies who are moving into homes with their own children and spouse, but are also adding their parents to the mix...friends that are facing bankruptcy due to challenges from the economy on their businesses...friends who are facing going back to work as their spouses search for jobs while being the at-home parent...and I know that we are stressed financially, but I still want another baby. Desperately.

I know Tiny Princess just celebrated her 1st birthday, and I now have a Pre-Schooler and a Toddler (almost as she's not really toddling quite yet)...and I long for a baby...and before you ask, NO...another pet is not the same at all...and neither is taking care of someone else's children, but I'd do that too, for financial reasons, if I had to!

SO, I ask you all, as you're going about your days and weeks to be praying for BB and I, that we'll come to agreement on the size of our family that is not forced by a pregnancy or health concern...we want this to be our decision after prayer and listening for God's answer...so I guess, be praying that we'll hear the same thing at the same time...