Reminders

Today I learned that my friend Ang has just suffered the loss of her Grandpa. Knowing a bit about how things were at the last with doctor visits, strange attitudes and behaviors, it might seem a bit of a relief...knowing that at least one less person will be causing her anxiety.

Then I remember that this was her Grandpa...and no matter what, no matter how rough things might have been for them as a family, he was still loved, and loving.

It reminds me of my own Grandmother. You see, my mom was raised in one particular denomination, while my father was raised another. Not an issue, you might think...but alas...my Grandmother had such a strong opinion about my father's religious upbringing that she didn't attend their wedding, nor did she talk to my parents until shortly after my oldest brother was born. All growing up, Grandma and Grandpa would come to visit in Colorado, and would stay with my Aunt and Uncle, 65 miles from us. We'd see them twice during their visits, we'd get birthday and Christmas cards from them. Once, when I was 5, we went to visit them in North Carolina. That was awesome...I'll post about that some day.

Otherwise, we only saw them about every 3 years. Oh - one time, they stayed with us for a couple weeks. I think it was that long...I can't remember, I was only like 10.

Then, when I was in high school, Grandpa passed away. Grandma started having some weird issues. I didn't concern myself with it, she was old, it was what happened. (lest you think I'm heartless, let me remind you that I had spent little time getting to know them, and really had no connection other than she was my Grandma)

When I was in college, things got really bad, and her doctor actually prescribed her to live with someone, or in "a home". SO, my mom and my aunt had long conversations that eventually ended up in the 2 of them flying to Florida to sort through all the things in Grandma's apartment, pack it up, divide it up among the kids (my Grandpa was actually Grandma's 2nd husband, the 1st having died when my mom was still young), of whom 6 or 8 (I forget how many) were Grandpa's grown children, many with grandchildren of their own, pack Grandma up and bring her to our house in Colorado.

You see, my Uncle is from Money...his father worked his way up the ladder from blue collar to white collar, but by the time the kids were born, they had lots and lots of money...money that seemed to have no end. They lived in a beautiful house in California, had shiny new cars every time you turned around, my cousins played sports like Tennis, Lacrosse, Golf, and wore Benetton, Guess, Esprit, Gloria Vanderbilt, Izod...and yet, he "didn't want to have her around because she caused problems"...to this day I don't know if he really said that, or what in the world he meant by it...

SO, Grandma came, moved into a room with us, shared a bathroom with me, helped cook, clean...tried to take walks...and had the most wonderful relationship with my Dad, whom she had ignored for the better part of my parents' marriage.

About a year later, her mind was so far deteriorated that for her safety, we moved her into an assisted living community, that had a full nursing home in the other wing. Within a year of that time, she was so far gone that she was getting out of bed in the dark hearing voices...she fell one time, and hit her head. She fell another an broke her hip. She never recovered from that...

And I think back about it, 13 years later, and wonder how differently I might have felt about the whole mess if she'd not been so mean to me or my mom...I don't remember her saying thank you, or I love you to any of us...and that stinks...

SO, today, I am sending lots of prayers for Ang and her family, wishing them comfort for their hearts, and a softening of the bad times, a heightening of the good times in their memories, and lots of peace as they go through this difficult time.