OY...
These last 8 days have been really trying on me...and, after answering
FarmWife I think maybe I should have been born on a different day...
Captain Chaos is apparently going through his "Terrible Twos"...we've had all sorts of temper tantrums, complete with stomping of feet, hitting at things, throwing whatever happens to be in his hands, crying, screaming, yelling...you get the picture. Needless to say, this has been driving me nuts! You see, I'm one of those people that takes great stock in the front that is put up for the world. Don't ask why, we're not going there.
What I know is that I was brought up being told that you are on your best behavior in public places, your are courteous, polite, respectful, and, most importantly, I was brought up that obedience to one's parents is only the beginnings of "Honor your father and mother". SO, growing up, we were taught that "please", "thank you", "you're welcome" (not "no problem") were all a regularly occurring part of our vocabulary. We said "yes, ma'am", "no, ma'am", "yes, sir", "no, sir" to anyone that was older than we were (I still do), or in positions of authority. And we most certainly, under no circumstances were ever allowed to act out.
In fact, I remember quite well, once upon a time, we actually got up from the table in a restaurant, and left, with no dinner for those of us who were the cause of misbehavior. My mother marched all 4 of us kids to the car while my father got food boxed up, and paid the bill for the family that was not misbehaving...my mother was mortified, and never did go back to that restaurant...
Anyway, to my point...Captain Chaos decided to have a little temper tantrum in our local grocery store parking lot last night, because I made him leave his book in the car while we shopped. Not such a big thing, to take it in with us right? WRONG! I have now lost 4 sippy cups, 3 matchbox cars, and 2 books in various stores throughout my town. Unacceptable. Captain Chaos is too little to understand that if he puts something down and I don't see it, then he will never have it again, and rather than explain 87 million times that the red car is GONE. FOREVER. I would rather deal with a few tears and a sad face until we get into the store. Until last night.
He screamed the entire way from the car to the door of the store. He screamed from the store back to the car, and all the way home. He screamed through his dinner. He screamed when I put him to bed.
BB was at work.
I have tried spanking. I have tried "time out". I have tried holding him. I have tried distracting him. I have tried everything I can think of that does not make my stomach churn. (for those of you with vivid imaginations, rest easy...I'm not going to hurt the boy, or myself).
I am at wits' end!
I finally got him calmed down at about 8:30 last night. He awoke this morning running a low fever, and has a very drippy nose. I think, perhaps that he just wasn't feeling last night.
However...I almost lost it in the parking lot, in front of God and everybody in that parking lot last night and almost began screaming right back at him...
I guess it serves me right. I pride myself on keeping my cool in 'hot' situations, so this episode really isn't about Captain Chaos' behavior. I know that he's at that point where he is testing his limits, learning just far Mommy and Daddy will let him stretch that leash that we keep him on (figurative, people! really!), and that he is wanting desperately to communicate with us clearly, and just doesn't have the tools yet...
Most times, I can remain calm, talk quietly to him, soothe away his frustration or anger, and we go on our merry way...
But last night, knowing that I was alone with the kids again, responsible for everything at home from sun up until well past sun down...it just made me snap...
The kids were sick, and we stayed home for 10 days in a row. No grocery store. No library, no lunch treats from the drive-through window...no coffee for Mommy in the early morning on our way to Church for Moms' group...just me, the kids, the animals, and 3 boxes of Kleenex, 2 containers of Clorox wipes, and countless cups of water, juice, milk, doses of Motrin or Tylenol, and dirty diapers. Then, BB got sick, and I spent 5 days taking care of him...Kleenex, Clorox wipes, countless glasses of water, juice, doses of cold medication, tucking the blanket around him, sending him to bed, bringing his lunch and dinner to him...
After that, when I was ready to get out and do something, BB decides he wants to spend the entire weekend at home, working in the shop (see post from 2 weeks ago), and doing things around the house. Which brings me to today...
We spent the whole week last week, not going anywhere, for fear that the kids would catch something again. Captain Chaos fell. BB was irritable about his work situation and the economy as a whole. Tiny Princess is teething and both kids are going through growth spurts, so are irritable and cranky and uncomfortable.
I went out with my mother Saturday afternoon and got some yarn, so I can knit a new hat and scarf for myself, and that is all.
SO, when Captain Chaos turned my grocery trip into a 3-ring circus, I was PISSED OFF! I was angry that this little person could dictate when I could and couldn't go places. How long I can stay there, just which aisles I can meander....
I have NEVER felt that way in the 281/2 months since Captain Chaos was born. I was appalled! How can I feel this way about my own children?!?!?!?!?! OY!
I am extremely grateful that this morning, the kids were better than they were last night...breakfast was uneventful, we got the dog to and from the vet with no issues whatsoever. We went to Target and I got the necessary items with no issue. We came home, and lunch turned into a nightmare, because apparently, Captain Chaos was tired, and didn't want to eat the chicken and applesauce he had been begging for since we got in the car to come home. They are both asleep, and now that I have vented my frustration and irritation, I am ready to be the gentle, snuggling, loving, tender Mommy that I normally am...
But oh, how I pray that there are a few more good days before more like the last 8!
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