Trials and Tribulations

I asked FarmWife today what it is that makes Captain Chaos, my 23 1/2 month old son act like a little beast for me during the day and an angel at night when his daddy gets home, or when we are with other family members...

Here are some examples of our normal day:

After breakfast, I feed Tiny Princess again, and settle her for her morning nap. During this time, Captain Chaos is allowed to play with his toys. I usually bring a load of laundry downstairs and start it. While it is running, I play with Captain Chaos...blocks, Legos, cars, whatever. We also will sometimes snuggle and read books. About 10:30, I put him down for a morning nap, while Tiny Princess is still sleeping, in her crib, in her room. After he wakes up from his nap, we play a little while, then I make lunch, we eat, and we play some more. During this playtime, we also will do some "learning" and "guided" play, in which we do things like "find the yellow block" or "how many cars do you have on the race track". Once Tiny Princess wakes up, I change and feed her, and then I give her some time to kick, play, and have tummy time on the floor. I usually sit and talk to her, at the same time that I am playing with Captain Chaos. Around 3-ish, I put the Captain down for another nap, and feed the Princess again, putting her down for another nap in her bed, in her room. When Captain wakes up, we come downstairs and play for a little while together, until I need to tend to dinner.

I try very hard to give him undivided attention time, playing with him, snuggling and reading with him, and not to give too much time to Princess when they are both awake. I do not say "Not now, Mama's (insert activity) with/to/for Princess". I try very hard to say things like "Princess needs her diaper changed, can you help Mama?" or "Princess needs her milk, would you like to look at a book with Mama while she gives Princess her milk?" and I try very hard not to ever tell him "Not now, Mama is busy"...but to make it time to talk to him, or hug him, play with him. I am starting to tell him "Captain Chaos, I know you want Mama to go with you right now. Mama will come in just a few minutes after she finishes putting Daddy's clothes in the drawers" or whatever I'm doing. I never tell him "I know you want Mama, BUT..."

However...I think he gets tired of being with me, or tired of knowing that his sister does need more attention...I've even tried to say "Princess is a baby, and she can't (insert activity) like you can. You're a big boy!" and praise him all the time for being a big boy.

Is this just a toddler phase where he is testing his boundaries with me? Or is he jealous of the time I do spend with Princess? I mean, I do have to feed and change the Princess...she can't sit around hungry and soaking wet all the time right?

Anyone who has kids around 2 years apart in age - can you shed some light on this?????

Am I nuts to obsess about this so much? Am I crazy to be hurt when he'd rather spend time with his Daddy than me?