January 24, 2008

One Week...

Well, here we are...one week later...holy cow, has it been one week?!?!?!

Sometimes, while I sit mesmerized by the absolute peace in my daughter's little bitty face, I cannot remember what it was like before she was born, and I marvel at God's amazing, amazing design that is the human being.

I think back to before Captain Chaos was born, and marvel over all the things he's learned in the 19 months of his life, and pray that I will never lose the awe I have over life...and more importantly that I will be able to guide these little lives in the path that God has for them, that I will be the best mother and wife I can be, but above all, that my children will see me as a model of what a Godly woman is. It is daunting to say the least.

Other times, mostly at those 3am feedings, where no amount of clothing can keep my ankles from hurting because they are so cold, I wonder that it is one week, and there are SO MANY to come before she'll be safely tucked into bed to sleep the night through. Those moments pass though, when she has her big, sparkling eyes focused intently...I pretend they are focused on me, but know that she can only see a tiny ways away from her. I revel in how her little fingers, elegant and long already, grasp onto mine, and she sighs in her sleep after eating, snuggling into me, content that I WILL NOT FAIL HER.

For those of you who are parents, you know exactly what I mean, and likely will caution me to enjoy these moments, because all too soon, my little girl will be rolling her eyes at me, and talking to her friends about how uncool her parents are, and that she'll be dead if they find out she puts on makeup after she gets to school, even though she's only 14...and that she'd be REALLY dead if they found out that a boy asked her out, and she said yes...but I will still sit, in just a short amount of time, rocking and cuddling my baby close to me, knowing that for this moment in time, my little princess depends on me for everything in this world, and knows no differently than that I am her everything. I will peek my head into Captain Chaos' room, and listen to him snore as he sleeps on his back, and pray fervently that even as my children grow older, they will know that I love them, and will always do what is in my power to show them that love every day.

I heard another friend a month or so ago say "It's not my job to be my kids' friend right now, if they hate me when they're teenagers, I'm doing it right. When they're out of college, they'll get it, and then it will be even better!"

I get it.

Prayers for all of you tonight, as you're tucking your own loved ones in, and worrying over them as you love them.


Anonymous said...

thank you for this post..it's been an emotional week and I so miss this momment you're experincing right now..I have two of those screaming, eye rolling teenagers, and I cringe most days they come home at times feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. Can I zap them back to babies?

FarmWife said...

It was so good to talk to you last night. I cannot believe she's already a week old.

I love the poem that says, "I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep."