June 06, 2013

Sting

I've been away far too long...and I can tell I haven't had the opportunity to vent anything anywhere safe.  I found out a few months ago that someone I thought was a safe friend - one in whom I could confide things I was dealing with, frustrations, concerns, worries - was not.  In fact, I found out that she had not only NOT kept things in confidence, but had in fact, been turning the things I'd told her into untruths.

It was, to say the least, hurtful.  I've had a hard time dealing with that betrayal, not to mention the fallout from her lies.  It did explain several large changes in friendships that had also occurred recently...

And while I've been dealing with that, I'm still also dealing with BB's emotions coming from some stupid choices I made.  I won't rehash it all, but it hurts to not be trusted in certain aspects by your spouse.

At any rate, I'm still here, still chugging along, and realizing that "actions have consequences" is a lesson we learn far beyond childhood...things that shouldn't even have consequences do...not directly because of our own actions, but because of actions of someone else.

Many of the consequences I'm dealing with are because of that false friend.  I chose to trust her, yes, based on who she presented herself to me as.  Was that wrong of me?  I don't believe so.  I've spent a lot of time praying and searching my heart - and the answer that came back to me is one that is clear - I am called to be above reproach - in word and deed, not only for my own sake, but for the sake of those around me.  If someone comes to me in need of a listening ear, I should respect her desire for confidence.  I realize there are exceptions, but someone saying "I'm so frustrated, sometimes I feel like all I do is yell at the kids day in and day out" to you is NOT ground to blab it all over the world, turning it into "I think she's abusive"...

Anyway...I'm working slowly but persistently on eradicating some bad habits, replacing them with healthy habits - emotionally, spiritually, mentally, AND physically.

This Princess is getting a complete life-makeover...

2 comments:

Inkling said...

That is horrid. Women can be so cruel to each other. I've been there, and know the painful sting. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'll be praying that God sends along some good girl friends who are trustworthy, who are capable of truly understanding, empathizing, and giving grace.

A book that has been rocking my world that actually speaks to that is Brene Brown's "I thought it was just me, but it isn't". It might feel a bit like an understanding balm to your heart at the moment. I got my copy from the library, so maybe your local library would have it available to put on hold.

love and hugs and prayers to you

Penny said...

that is one of the hardest things to deal with I think..having a close friend betray that trust...and then to change it into something bad is worse..I will pray for you..since I am the "older" one, I feel for you young Moms who have so much on your plate..marriage is hard and oh so much work..raising kids these days is way harder that it was for me 30 years ago..I worry about your families and how hard it is for you all..my kids and their families included..so my dear again..I will pray for you because I know He hears us..and He loves us all...and so sorry to hear the camping trip got cancelled..we were supposed to go last weekend and the weather was raining, so we stayed home too..but looking forward to going again real soon!