June 20, 2012


Since I first requested prayers...

The fire is still raging, but is now 50% contained, so hopefully, it will not spread...there are close to 200 homes that have been destroyed...it is utterly devastating to think of...continue to pray for the men and women who are fighting this fire, and the families affected by it.

My nephew seems to be doing better - but continued prayers are appreciated as now the Ethiopian government is looking at making Skype and Facebook illegal...prayers for their living situation and safety are, as always, coveted...at this time, I only know that my nephew is responding to the medication, and seemingly on the mend.

My High School friend's baby girl is also doing better - please be praying!!!!  She is out of the cooling bed, but not eating well, still has some sort of blockage making breathing on her own difficult - she was to see ENTs and respirartory specialists yesterday and have some MRI's done to assess organ status - since she had no blood to her organs, they may be stunted, completely useless, OR (we're praying) just fine...she obviously will not be allowed to come home until the breathing and eating issues are resolved.  Pray for them - they're living at the nearby Ronald McDonald house right now, with their 2 sons who are 5 and not quite 3...it's a stinky situation...

As for the homefront - BB and I had a long discussion the other night about how he feels I'm "not here" - I'm pre-occupied and not focused on the things I promised when we married.  His words, not mine...I told him that I felt that I was doing all the work at home - from minor repairs to housework to finances...that there just wasn't any balance, and that when he did have free time, it was spent going to auctions, instead of doing something as a family, or even letting me have an hour to go to the library myself, or shop by myself, or even do a weekly Bible Study at our local coffee house on Thursday evenings.

We talked about what we expected from one another, and how those expectations may need to be altered since the children came along...

While it was frustrating to begin with, and the discussion was NOT pretty, I, at least, feel better about things.

Somewhere, in the midst of being parents, as well as being a married couple, we lost sight of how to balance things, and how the new dynamic of the family had changed things.

I don't want to end up in 10 - 15 years wondering who this man I wake up next to is, as I see so many people doing...I want BB and I to still grow our relationship with one another as friends and lovers, as well as parents.

I appreciate all the prayers and thoughts, and the letting me dump my crazy, big, fat, loud, obnoxious Italian self all over here!


Inkling said...

Oh, woman, we need to have a coffee date. I think there are some similarities in our struggles.

What's up with Ethiopia? Why would they consider that kind of censoring? Geez. One would think they would be happy to leave those things alone since it's primarily people from OTHER countries who are helping Ethiopia's OWN people.

For the past six years, I have been a wife. I've always wanted to be one. I'm not exceptionally good at organizing or keeping a small space clean, but I try. And I know I'd try even more if I felt energized and like I had another part of what makes me me get to be in active existence. I feel like the only thing I am expected to do is cook, clean, wipe noses and bottoms, do laundry, and offer the occasional bedroom privilege. If any of those things gets put on a back burner for even a moment so that I can find life in taking a sewing lesson, doing some canning, working in the garden, reading, writing, counseling with birth trauma women, or anything else that is "just for fun", resentment grows in my husband. It's a crazy cycle. I'd want to keep a better home if I also found life and renewed energy and purpose in those things I mentioned. And he would be happy having a perfect home. But neither one of us is happy. It really stinks. The more resentful he gets, the more I ignore all those other parts of me, and the more of a mess my house gets, the more overwhelmed and drained of life I get. He just doesn't get it. This has been our dilemma for six years. And sometimes? I want to just walk away from the dilemma.

Penny said...

Reading your posts makes me very sad..sad that you are having these struggles in your marriages..sad that your husbands dont seem to get how awesome a good marriage is..sad that you are so busy with kids, house, husband and all that you get no time for yourself..I wish I had the magic answer for you both..I have been married 3 times..not proud of it but I know that they did not end because of something I did..both men decided that being faithful was last on their list..but now I have the man that God had waiting for me all this time..and he is a good good man..had to raise his 4 kids all alone because of a wife who liked drinking, women (yes, women) and drugs more than her kids..we both know how good marriage is when you are with the person God has intended for you to be with..but it is work and the one thing I think is most important is that you never ever take each other for granted..you must make time together and you must must make time for yourself..I will be praying that your husbands can see how important that is..so many couples do wake up 15 years or so later and wonder who they have been with each day? like you grow apart instead of together..raising kids and keeping house and doing all the wordly things we have to do is exhausing!! but working on our marriages and keeping ourselves together are worth all the work in the world!! when the kids are raised and you and hubby are alone, it is the most amazing time! so worth everything it takes to get there..so like I said..I will pray for you both because I know God has plans for you and He has you with the man who needs to be in your life...so now, go have a cup of coffee and relax..you deserve it!