May 07, 2012

How Do You Know?

I recently had someone ask me a question that took me by surprise...a good friend from Church asked me how you know when you're cheating on your husband...

It took me by surprise, because she was asking me for permission to continue the behavior she later confessed to me.  It took me by surprise, because this is someone whom I trusted, looked to as a role model of a Godly woman, someone I go to for advice, suggestions, a sounding box...

It took me most by surprise, because for me, the answer is clear, has always been clear, and, Lord willing, will never be something I even have to think twice about!

This is her story - so I can't and won't divulge the details of how far her behavior had gone - but it shocked me how easily and quickly she admitted that she had allowed things to progress from "friendship" and innocence to questionable and then over the line to truly inappropriate...

And so I ask you - in general - how do you know when things are out of line with your moral compass?  Whatever keeps you aligned with "right" and away from "wrong" - how do you know?

For myself, being a Believer, I know that Jesus said "anyone who looks...lustfully has already committed adultery with [them] in [their] heart"...

I believe with all I am that this means something even as innocuous-seeming as a joking comment laden with suggestion is the start down the path!

It broke my heart to hear my friend had walked this path, and was unsure how to get back, what her husband was going to say, her children, her parents, her other friends...

It made me so sad for her to hear her confession - that she had let go of her convictions, telling herself it was ok - that she could stop the behavior, that it was under control.  It made me sad for the man in question - that he also thought that his comments, and later behavior were ok...because he is single.

And so again, I have to ask - How do you know when you've crossed the lines you try to honor?

4 comments:

FarmWife said...

In my opinion, if you have to ask this question you already know the answer.

We try to tell ourselves that if nothing physical has occurred, that it's all innocent fun. That's why the term "emotional affair" has been coined.

I will be praying for your friend and her family and for you.

Penny said...

I think if it even comes into your mind that you think about asking that question, you have crossed the line. I believe like you, that Jesus said if you even look lustfully you have sinned. I had 2 marriages end because the exhusbands had affairs...it is the most damaging thing to a person to have to go thru..ruins your trust and self esteem. not to mention your family...so I will pray for you friend..that she comes clean before God, family and friends. that she is able to reconcile with her husband and that he is able to forgive...it will be a very long road for her and I hope her faith is strong enough. You will need to be the best friend to her that you can, she will need that.

Kork said...

Thanks Ladies! It is comforting to know that I've got prayers from other folks to help this woman and her husband...

It is ugly, and my next worry is what happens if her husband comes to BB or I to discuss this? Do I tell him that I knew already because she came to me, and I counseled to confess to him and God and work through this?

Yikes...sometimes its tougher than I'd like being an adult.

Penny said...

We must tell the truth..not to hurt but in love..be the friend you would want them to be to you..