June 09, 2011

And Now, the Rest of the Story

SO...Saturday morning of our departure found us up way too early, in the dark, finalizing everything. All I had asked for was that Captain NOT wet the bed...he had, and so, I used my 18 minute wash cycle and threw in his PJs and bedding while I swiftly bathed him and got him dressed. As BB buckled everyone into their seats and did a final check to make sure all our bags were in the truck, I tossed the load into the dryer and set it for the "sanitize" setting that lasts 90 minutes, knowing that his heavy comforter, sheets and PJs would be dry and could just hang out in the dryer while were gone.

When we came home Monday night? The load of laundry was wet, and there was a note on the dryer that said "Fire danger??? Don't leave your dryer running when you're gone! We stopped it this morning and will run it when we can be here today." Apparently, the mom of the house-sitting family was first over that morning and never came back...SO, I had to IMMEDIATELY put it BACK into the machine with extra detergent, some booster and some white vinegar to be washed. All I know is that I'm thankful for the sanitize settings on my washer and dryer! They came out clean and icky-ness free...all things are clean and nice and Captain has gone through 3 sets of bedding and PJs since our return home...but that's a post for a different day.

Along the way, Captain ate too quickly and got sick. Thankfully, it was a rest stop and just required clean clothes, not a wipe down of the interior of the vehicle...

When we arrived at my brother's house in CA, my brother and SIL came out to help us get the kids out and welcome us...as I was getting a just-woken Littlest One out of her seat, my sister came down the driveway and was aksing "where's my sister? Where's my sister??" She threw herself into my arms, crying, and telling me how much she'd missed me...

Needless to say, I did not react well mentally, but physically kept it together. I hugged her and told her I'd missed her too (I'm such a liar, because I haven't!), and as she calmed down, we went inside...the next few days, she tried too hard, said some things that were hurtful, and things were basically status quo. I didn't react negatively. In fact, some how, some way, God granted me the strength and ability to just gently be graceful to her...I just am not ready to have a sisterly relationship with her, and may honestly never be ready.

I do know that BB saw it and heard it too. If my brother, SIL, niece or nephews, or even Dad did - they didn't say anything. I asked my Dad at one point how he thought she was really doing, and he said good, all things considered.

I'm just a broken person myself, and I know that. I know that she is too - horribly broken, but how do you explain to a person broken in that way that things will NEVER be the same as they were without breaking them more?

Isn't that lousy? I'm sitting here thinking that I should have said something to her, but I didn't for fear that it would send her right back to where she was...and not because I was concerned for her, but because I didn't want to be the one who did that! Crap, that was sucky...

And once we got to the OTHER part of the family...we were told that BIL and nephew would NOT be coming Thursday night to dinner, just SIL and niece. We'd see BIL and nephew for the graduation Friday night, and BIL would be around Saturday...

SO, things were good Thursday night - SIL and niece were immediately glommed onto by Capt and Princess - so much so that they came back to our room to tuck the kids in that night. It was precious and wonderful and made me so proud of my kids...

Saturday, BIL showed up separately from nephew, SIL, and niece. He was distant, constantly texting, not making conversation, rude, disrespectful to his mother...just flat out NOT the kind of person you want to be around. At. All.

But he sat right next to SIL, and had his arm around her the whole ceremony, sat by her at dinner, was rather mushy and lovey dovey, which was surprising to Bb and I, because the last time we heard anything they were moving forward with a divorce and dissolution of a business partnership...

Saturday night, he again was all lovey dovey, even kissing her rather romantically (normally not an issue right???), but wouldn't talk to BB, wouldn't even look at me, kept trying to be funny and teach our kids things we don't want them learning, making rude comments to his mother...

Sunday morning, MIL calmly informed us that apparently BIL has chosen current fling over SIL, and that the only hold-up to the divorce proceedings was a disagreement over the business situation. MIL wants the proceedings to include a dissolution of the current business partnership, which would free up SIL and BB from anything having to do with the business. Currently, if BIL were to somehow, magically get a loan, and default, SIL and BB would be liable for it. If BB removes himself and leaves SIL there, she'd be liable...and we just can't, in good conscience do that.

MIL also informed us that she and FIL had changed the set-up of their trust because "SIL is just as much my daughter as he is my son and someone needs to make sure she and the kids are cared for"...

It was awkward, uncomfortable and really lousy to watch all the hurt and anger and unspoken things hovering under the surface just waiting to be let out. I really wanted to shake BIL and tell him he's making an ass of himself making these decisions...that his decisions are hurting EVERYONE in this family - his mom is breaking inside because her own son won't talk to her about anything deeper than the weather and sports, his kids are angry and disappointed that he's broken their family apart, his wife is in limbo, confused, hurt, broken-hearted at being left for her best friend, his FIL is holding himself in check that his stepson is such an idiot, thinking with his desire instead of his brain...

BB and I are stuck in the middle of this one, because really, no one is on BIL's side in this situation...it's a mess, it's ugly, it's painful...

And NO ONE is that part of the family wants anything to do with the Healer...

If BIL realized just how selfish he's being...I mean, SIL has been by side for close to 3 decades, through thick and thin, better or worse, richer or poorer...she worked full-time, paid for college classes, took the kids to all their activities, making sure that she worked extra hours, found extra income in any way she possibly could and still keep her dignity and sanity while he pursued a business that was never a success but was his dream...she has been the bread-winner, the stable rock while he never quite grew up...

Anyway...I could go on and on...

What it boils down to is this: He has chosen somethings that BB and I would never choose - we would choose to work together to try to heal our relationship - but it is his choice. All we can do is stand by and love on our family, and pray for them...

It stinks sometimes...this having family thing...

2 comments:

Confessions of an Obese Mom said...

oh wow..I forgot about the divorce and BIL/SIL...

The skeletons that hang in our closet need to stay there. too much pain comes with them.

Layla said...

"I'm just a broken person myself, and I know that. I know that she is too - horribly broken, but how do you explain to a person broken in that way that things will NEVER be the same as they were without breaking them more?"

This. You just described, exactly, why my sister and mother and I can not have a relationship at all. Better than I ever could have. It hit home.