I'm pleased, but nervous all at the same time. It's a bit intimidating and exhilarating all at the same time - there's this sense of freedom that is hovering just on the brink of my senses...
BB also decided it was time to take advantage of low interest rates and we'll be beginning the arduous process of refinancing the house. I'm not looking forward to it - dealing with amounts of money with lots of digits before the decimal point that have a value greater than zero make me extremely nervous.
I think it goes back to being a college student in debt up to my eyeballs...and not thinking anything of the total amount that I owed until my dad sat down with me one day and had me gather everything on which I owed money...and when we added up the individual things, I almost passed out...somehow, I was able to delude myself into believing that it wasn't that much because it came from several different accounts on which I owed...but, oh by, those numbers were so daunting to me...
I was able to pay it all off - quickly - with much hard work and a ton of discipline in not spending anything for which I didn't have cash (funny how that slipped away when I was a newlywed!).
I just don't want to get back to that point of owing more than I can pay in one month's paycheck...which we currently do. I know, it's the "American Way"...and right now, I'd rather not claim that particular part of being a U.S. Citizen - this spending more than I make, more than I can afford to pay off.
I just did a mental calculation, and right now, if something happened to BB, his life insurance would pay off all our debt, but I'd have to sell all his tools, and any unnecessary things (riding mower anyone?), and then go back to work full-time and pray my folks would watch the kids so I wouldn't have to pay for childcare.
Once the mortgage is gone, we'll be much easier, but right now, the total amount of our monthly expenses is a scary number. And we try to live frugally.
I do know that we'd be ditching our cell phone plan, and letting go of our satellite tv. I'd be watching things on Hulu and the like...and I only know that I'd be praying like crazy that I'd get top dollar for the things of BB's I wouldn't use anymore.
I don't like thinking that way, but sometimes, a reality check like that makes me realize just how blessed we are, and just how much more of a good steward I need to be!
No more house blends for me! In fact, I think I'll just stick to water - at least it's cheaper to get our water from the City than any cup of coffee could ever be.