August 20, 2009

Creative Avoidance

This is a term I heard about 10 years ago in relation to truly working my Mary Kay business. My Director was referring to how you could easily go sit in your MK area and rearrange your product, label things, file things, shuffle paper piles, and say that you'd worked hours in your business so where was the money? She instead, wanted us to focus on actually holding appointments, making calls for product orders...

Today, this takes on a bit of a new meaning for me...I should be baking 3 batches of Gold Nugget Bars (recipe to go on Wha'cha Got Cookin' soon), and cleaning my house.

Instead...I'm sitting here, FB'ing, and telling myslef that my butter is still too cold to bake with...Nice huh?

As for yesterday and your comments...thank you! I certainly wasn't fishing for positive reinforcement, but I'll take it! I've been struggling the last weeks with feeling lousy, tired, the whole 9 yards, minus the actual getting sick...but there's nothing like scrubbing a toilet and then feeling the need to toss your cookies...or trying to climb the step ladder to dust the top shelf of something and be overwhelmed with that crazy dizziness because you obviously did'nt drink enough water when you sat down 15 minutes earlier...

I'm totally a control freak, I must have things tidy, neat, shiny, smelling good and clean, and when things get out of hand, it really bothers me...so I go in fits sometimes, focusing on these crazy tasks like re-organizing the pantry so the Jell-O boxes are all lined up and ordered by flavor...alphabetically of course...

SO, for the last weeks, knowing that life was about to take yet another step into the journey of "Lack of Control", also known as "having children", I began to seriously freak out...I think I actually snapped a little bit...you know...when you just shut down...

At any rate...BB and I had a serious conversation the other night, talking about needing assistance from each other, and what areas we were struggling with, including but not limited to our financse, our chores, quality time with each of our children individually, how my parents are killing me with their comments about how us asking if they could help out with Capt and Princess when #3 arrives are interfering with their plans for March, how I wish my in-laws would actually get over themselves and travel to see us, instead of guilting us into flying with money we don't have, renting a car, and spending 2 weeks with them...during which time we'll be telling the kids "don't touch that", "no", and "stop doing that" for the entire time that they are awake and indoors...it was a good talk. We aired a lot of frustrations - with each other, with the kids, with our families, life in general - and were able to seriously hash out some issues.

Short version of the results are like this: BB will help more with the kids in the evenings and on weekends. He will not schedule things without first checking with me to insure that I'm down with whatever he wants. BB will also help with cooking a couple nights a week, and doing the dishes on nights I cook, and vice versa. I am no longer allowed to be out mowing the grass, but can help by pulling weeds and stray grass and making sure I police the yard for Rocco presents. I am also allowed to help out by making our menus, clipping our coupons, searching out great deals for groceries, and taking full advantage of "Kids Eat Free" whenever possible for meals that we decide to eat at restaurants. BB will help carry laundry to and from the laundry room. BB will be responsible for getting the big cans to the curb on Trash Day, but I am responsible for making sure all but the cat litter related trash is in there. BB will also help me by cleaning up the floor after meals, and washing the table down, rather than immediately plopping down in his chair.

He is going to take a look at my "Done Before #3" list and do whatever he can to help out.

We've decided, after a recent conversation with my folks, that we will not be asking for their assistance with these things. If they wish to offer their services, we will accept them, but we'll not be soliciting their assistance. I will also not be asking our neighbor girl to come and sit for "random reasons", as she described them to her mother the other day. I obviously mistook her desire to make money as desire to earn said money in ways that were presented to her. I have found another sitter for truly necessary occasions and will call upon her. I have also decided that if my MIL offers to pay for housecleaning after the arrival of #3, I'll accept it, but will not actually keep a housekeeper for more than 1 or 2 cleanings to get everything shiny clean while I am not supposed to be doing those things. Once it is shiny clean, we will keep it picked up, tidied, and dusted and vacuumed. BB knows how to scrub a toilet and clean a tub. He knows how to make a bed, wash our clothes, cook, and run the vacuum, so we'll be in good shape.

I know this sounds so silly when I say it out loud, but with the way I'm feeling right now, I cannot do that which I normally do. I know my limits (though it may not appear that way sometimes) and can accept help. BB and I are basically acting as though we are in a new place, with no family nearby and no friends in our neighbors to assist.

I will also be utilizing the available resources through the Church for whatever assistance we can get, when we can get it. We're continuing our small group, starting up in September, and I'm excited to further our relationships with these other couples and their families. I'm excited that we have found friends, rather than being thrown in with a group that fizzles out, but then you find out later that all the other couples are still meeting together but no one bothered to tell BB and I...but that is a post for another time.

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