A New Day

While I am not feeling quite so disgruntled today as I was yesterday, I am still fighting the blues.

I wish I could blame it on something outside of myself...like the weather changing, or the fact that Tiny Princess is now 1, and no longer technically a baby...but a toddler, who will soon be a pre-schooler, and then a "big kid"...or the fact that BB had an awesome time last night...but, truth be told, this is all me.

Yup...it is all my doing...I am the one who created this attitude, and now has to undo it. I spent a lot of time in prayer last night, after I put the munchkins to bed for the night, before BB came home. I spent many minutes turning page after page in my Bible, praying, seeking God's answer for this struggle. Asking Him why it seems that I can go merrily along, knowing in my heart of hearts that all is good because it is from Him...and then, seemingly out of the blue, these feelings overwhelm me. I'm not talking about the occasional growly days when your jeans are a but more snug than the last time you wore them, or the days that no matter what, the kids are just going to be ornery, or the days that you burn everything you attempt to cook...but the days where there just seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel...in fact, you're not even sure you're in a tunnel...you might be in a cave, or a vault, or a submarine closet for that matter!

It was sort of ironic, in retrospect...after I finished reading and praying, and felt that I should get up and do something fun, I turned on the Wii, and went ahead and played some of the games on the Fit...I was doing my thing, hula-hooping, ski jumping and the like, at the end, I decided to do my daily test, and my "balance tests" included a basic balance test where you close your eyes and try to find your center of balance...mine was, needless to say, off, wobbly, all over the place...and the little text box that popped up after the fact said "when you take away your sight, your brain has to engage more muscles, and attach your other senses like hearing, touch and even smell to assist you in keeping your equilibrium. It went on to tell me that I needed to train those muscles.

And that's when it clicked...the light came on (no pun intended there)...I realized that I was totally missing out on that! I have been very lax in my daily time with God...sure I pray, I read my devotional, and spend the few minutes it takes to read the associated Scripture passages, and then breeze through a prayer...but I have been very, very lax about spending quality, uninterrupted time in prayer and praise in the last weeks.

I can't tell you what has taken it's place, or why it ended up happening, but it did. And I intend to remedy that.

I am actually going to log off now, for the rest of the day, turn on my MP3 player and listen to my Christian playlist. I am going to do some ironing, and prepare to get my haircut this afternoon. When I come home, I'll be relaxed, refreshed, recharged, and will hopefully be able to get back to being the me that I like, that I want to be, that with God's help I can be.

So, take today off, enjoy the outside, even if the weather is lousy. Turn off the computer, the television, take some time to love on your family, and then take some time to love on you, and talk to God about it all...all the junk, all the great stuff, all the hurts and pain...and then stop. Listen closely, and make sure you aren't missing out on what He might have to say to you today...